“Think carefully about your ways.”

Think Carefully About Your Ways

I sat down this morning, September 1, feeling disappointed with August. My first thoughts went to my business, my morning routine, my time with God, less scrolling and more connecting and some of the things I said I wanted to do but didn't. There are places where I know I've been checking the box instead of really building the foundation underneath it.

But even writing that doesn't feel completely fair, because August was full. Really full. I turned 46. I helped three of my kids step into new college semesters. I started kindergarten with my youngest, and I am so grateful I get to be here for that. I had a wonderful time in Nashville learning, investing and growing in this wellness space. Jaime and I have been preparing for Masters Worlds, which has stretched and trained me physically, mentally and emotionally. I even made the hard decision to move up a weight class. There have been changing schedules, training, travel, family responsibilities, work, marriage, motherhood and all the ordinary things that make up a very full life.

I was present for so much of it, and I don't want to overlook that simply because I didn't hit a business goal or because my daily routine wasn't perfect. Those things weren't interruptions to my life. They were my life. They were good things, important things, and many of them were things God Himself has entrusted to me.

So this morning I found myself sitting in this strange tension between being grateful for everything August held and knowing there are still some things that need to change. And instead of immediately making another plan for September, I opened my Bible to Haggai.

I kept coming back to the same words: “Think carefully about your ways.”

The more I read Haggai 1, the more I thought about the people and what was actually happening. The temple needed to be rebuilt. They knew it. God had given them the assignment. But they also had lives to live. They had homes, crops, work and responsibilities. They were planting and harvesting and taking care of what was in front of them.

They didn't want to stop life to rebuild the temple.

And that's where Haggai started to feel very personal.

The people weren't doing nothing. They were harvesting. They were working. They were building homes and living their lives. The problem wasn't a lack of activity. They had neglected what God had told them to do first. They continued living around the assignment He had already given them, expecting their work to produce something, and yet God says in Haggai 1:9, “You expected much, but then it amounted to little.”

That's the part I don't want to rush past.

Because I can look back at August and see so much good. I don't regret being present for my children. I don't regret homeschooling my youngest. I don't regret training with my husband or preparing my body for something incredibly difficult. I don't regret celebrating another birthday or adjusting a goal because my body is getting stronger. I don't regret living the life God has given me.

But Haggai makes me ask a different question. Was God first in it?

Not, did I accomplish enough? Was I productive enough? Did I hit the numbers? Did I stick perfectly to the routine? Were the things I was doing good things?

Was God first? Because I think that's where I can get things out of order. I can be doing really good things and still become so consumed by them that somewhere along the way I start saying, without ever actually saying the words, God, I'll get to You after I take care of this.

After I get everyone where they need to go. After I finish my work. After I train. After I answer the messages. After I figure out why the business isn't doing what I want it to do. After I make the plan for tomorrow.

And then I wonder why I'm exhausted trying to produce a harvest.

Those words from Haggai hit differently this morning: “You expected much, but then it amounted to little.”

I've been sitting here looking at August and thinking about what didn't happen, what didn't grow, what I didn't accomplish and what I expected to see that amounted to less than I thought it would. My natural response is to figure out how to do more in September. Work harder. Be more disciplined. Make a better schedule. Create the plan. Plant more seeds. But maybe my first instinct shouldn't be to plant more.

Maybe I need to look at the foundation.

Maybe that's why God repeats the words, “Think carefully about your ways.”

Where is my heart? What am I building? What am I asking God to bless that I haven't really invited Him into? Am I seeking Him because I want Him, or am I running to Him because I'm frustrated with the harvest? Where have I been living first and seeking God second?

That last question stings a little. Because I don't want to beg God to make my plans work while giving Him the leftover pieces of my day. I don't want to build a business and then ask Him to bless it. I want Him in the building of it. I don't want to create the family schedule and then squeeze Him into whatever space remains. I want Him at the center of our home. I don't even want my morning time with Him to become another box on the list that makes me feel accomplished when I check it.

I want to sit with Him in awe, reverence and adoration. I want to seek His wisdom before my own. I want His Word to change something in me. I want the Word of God to compel me to obey, to worship and to live differently because I have encountered Him.

Maybe that's what I was missing when I first sat down disappointed about August. Maybe August wasn't simply something I needed to do better. Maybe it exposed something I needed to see.

Life is always going to happen. There will always be another season, another schedule, another goal, another child who needs me, another business target, another training session, another load of laundry and another good thing asking for my attention. I don't believe God is asking me to abandon those things. Many of them are the very things He has called me to steward.

But I also don't want to become so busy living the life God has given me that I forget to live that life with God first.

The temple looks different for us today. We have the incredible blessing of living on this side of the cross. God's presence isn't confined to a building, and Scripture tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. That makes this even more personal for me because now I have to ask what condition my own temple is in. How am I tending to my heart, my body, my mind, my home, my marriage, my children and my work? Am I covering these things in prayer? Am I caring for what God has entrusted to me in a way that honors Him? Am I making room to hear Him? Am I willing to stop, even when stopping disrupts my plans, and obey what He has already shown me?

Because sometimes we already know the problem.

And sometimes we already know the assignment.

The question is whether we're willing to respond.

That's another part of Haggai 1 that I don't want to miss. When the people finally heard the word of the Lord and responded, they obeyed. They began the work. And then God gave them these words: “I am with you.”

That's what I want.

More than a successful September. More than a productive morning routine. More than hitting the business goal. More than checking every box and getting everything done.

I want Him.

I want my heart to be a place of worship. I want my home to honor Him. I want my family covered in prayer. I want to care for this body as something He created and entrusted to me. And yes, I want my business to flourish. I have dreams and goals for it, and I believe there is good work for me to do through it. But I don't want to beg God for a harvest from something I keep trying to build in my own strength. I want Him in the roots of it. I want Him in the planning. I want Him in the work. I want Him first.

So September isn't beginning with a bigger to-do list for me.

It's beginning with an honest look at the foundation.

What is God showing me today? What is the actual problem underneath the frustration I'm feeling? What has He already asked me to do? And once I know the assignment, where, when, what and how will I obey?

Maybe those are questions worth sitting with as we begin a new month.

Because I don't want another month filled with good things if I'm too busy doing them to recognize the presence of God in the middle of them. I don't want to give God what's left after I've lived my life. I don't want to simply ask Him to bless the life I'm building. I want to build my life with Him at the center of it.

So before I worry about what September will produce, I'm going to sit with the words God gave His people so many years ago:

Think carefully about your ways.

And then, with God first, start rebuilding from there.

-Joy